What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
13.06.2025 01:31
Im still living with it.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
My life is so biszare .
Mariners' vibes turn ugly after sweep: 'Nobody feels sorry for us' - The Seattle Times
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
What are tips for weight loss?
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Can you name a song with the word 'why' in it?
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I have no regrets .
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
How is TikTok able to censor porn?
Why did i forgive my father ?
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
What discoveries in AI research have changed our understanding of intelligence evolution?
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Can you share something that captivates you, whether it's an idea, a discovery, or an invention?
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Do older men realize that younger women usually do not prefer them?
When she asked me how she looked .
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Why do I want to suck cock tonight?
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I was very sick at this time too.
But, we were locked up after school.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
And i lived it daily.
He knew the spot.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
We were not on the streets..
But ive been too sick for many years..
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I was scared of men, in general
As i do to all so called friends.?
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
He resisted the act ,that day.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Especially a lifetime of it.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Ive learnt so much.
I could never make a relationship work though!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
She married twice! .
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Was to survive, this bastard.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
She loved him until the end.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
It was going to be , some day.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I write beautiful poetry .
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
She wouldn,t have been !
But it wasn’t much.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I think the readers, may guess!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I said to her
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I was 9 years of age.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I waited trembling.
This is soul school!.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
(And it was in our own minds.)
So whats the point in blame.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
My family never makes their pension either.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I was seconnd youngest,
We all went to grammer schools
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I will be 64.
She found it foreign!.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
All the time i was locked up.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Would this be the day?
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
She was in good health!
So, i spoilt her more .
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Comes on , in middle age.
Put me off passion for life!!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I never cut or harmed myself..
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
What did i know ?
They are buried together, in the same grave..
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I don,t even have a pension.
Who then, do I blame.?
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
One cannot live in the past .
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!